Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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