She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize
