I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
