Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
