we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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