I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
