swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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