At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
