It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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