I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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