your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
