His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
