Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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