You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
