Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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