I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
