I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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