Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
