I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
