Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
