"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
