go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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