so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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