Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
