On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
