The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
