Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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