WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
