if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
