Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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