i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
