I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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