If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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