Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
