On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
barbara walters just said penis...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
