today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
