You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
