just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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