at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
