I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
