I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm passing your future prison.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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