Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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