He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
