There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You are a genius and a whore.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
