the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
