A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
