make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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