I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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