i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
