I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
